We all like to think that we are the calm, sensible and perfectly reasonable member of our D&D party.
Unfortunately, this is almost certainly a lie.
Whether you are the person who spends three hours researching their character’s backstory, the person who immediately attacks anything vaguely suspicious or the person who somehow ends up befriending every goblin they meet, we all have our own particular style of playing D&D.
So, in the name of SCIENCE (and because I wanted an excuse to write a quiz), I have devised a completely accurate and definitely not arbitrary test to determine what type of D&D player you are.
Grab a pen, make a note of your answers and let’s see what sort of adventurer you really are.
I accept no responsibility for any arguments that may occur when you discover that your friends are, in fact, Chaos Goblins.
You arrive in a brand-new town. What is the first thing you do?
A) Find the nearest tavern. Obviously. This is D&D.
B) Start asking questions. Who runs the town? What’s happened recently? Why is that building boarded up?
C) Wander around until something interesting happens. Preferably something involving explosions.
D) Follow everyone else because, to be honest, you weren’t really listening when the DM explained where you were.
You find a mysterious magical object lying on the floor. What do you do?
A) Pick it up. It could be powerful.
B) Examine it carefully before touching anything.
C) Immediately touch it. What could possibly go wrong?
D) Ask another player to touch it first. There are, after all, certain advantages to having a rogue in the party.
Roll for initiative! How are you feeling?
A) Excellent. Time to destroy something.
B) Fine. I have a plan.
C) Ooooh, I wonder what happens if I do this?
D) Hang on. What does my character actually do?
Your party has been given an important quest. Unfortunately, you've spotted a side quest.
A) Forget the main quest. Side quest!
B) We should probably finish what we came here to do first.
C) I have already accepted the side quest.
D) I’ll go along with whatever everyone else decides.
You roll a natural 1 at a very important moment. What happens next?
A) “No problem. We’ll try again.”
B) Accept the consequences and work out another way around the problem.
C) Somehow turn this into an even bigger disaster.
D) Sit quietly and hope nobody remembers it was you.
You meet a suspicious NPC. Your immediate reaction is:
A) “Right. What do they know?”
B) “Something isn’t right here.”
C) “I like them.”
D) “Can we keep them?”
You've levelled up! What are you most excited about?
A) Getting considerably more powerful.
B) Finally unlocking the ability I’ve been planning around for the last three levels.
C) Finding out all the ridiculous things I can now do.
D) Honestly, I just enjoy getting another level. Numbers going up is satisfying.
Your DM says: “You hear a strange noise coming from upstairs…” What do you do?
A) Draw your weapon and head upstairs.
B) Ask some sensible questions first.
C) Open the door immediately.
D) Send someone else upstairs. This is what the rogue is for.
You've become strangely attached to an NPC. What happens?
A) I will protect this person with my life.
B) I’m interested to see where the DM takes this.
C) This NPC is now part of my character’s backstory.
D) I’ve adopted them. Nobody can stop me.
The DM looks at you and says: “So, what do you want to do?” You reply:
A) “Let’s kill it.”
B) “Can we discuss our options?”
C) “Okay, hear me out…”
D) “What is everyone else doing?”
And now for the important bit... Count up how many A, B, C and D answers you got. There is absolutely no scientific basis for these results… But that has never stopped me before.
Mostly A – The Hero
You are the Hero of the group.
You see a problem and your immediate response is to solve it with violence, preferably while dramatically shouting something first.
You are decisive, enthusiastic and probably responsible for a surprisingly large proportion of the party’s combat encounters.
You also have an impressive ability to say “I’ve got this” immediately before rolling a natural 1.
Your D&D superpower: Confidence
Your greatest weakness: Impulse control
Most likely to say: “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.”
Mostly B – The Strategist
You are the person in the party who actually reads the clues.
While everyone else is busy poking the mysterious statue, you’re wondering why there are three identical statues and why one of them has blood on its foot.
You like a plan.
You enjoy figuring things out.
You may occasionally become slightly frustrated when your carefully constructed plan is ignored because the party’s bard has decided to flirt with the villain.
Still, somebody has to keep these people alive.
Your D&D superpower: Planning
Your greatest weakness: Overthinking absolutely everything
Most likely to say: “Hang on. Before we do that…”
Mostly C – The Chaos Goblin
Ah.
Right.
This explains quite a lot.
You are the reason the DM has started adding the phrase “within reason” to their campaign.
You don’t necessarily want to know what you’re supposed to do. You want to know what happens if you do something completely unexpected.
You see a locked door and wonder whether you can climb through the window.
You see a mysterious potion and wonder what happens if you drink it.
You see an important NPC and wonder whether you can pickpocket them.
Honestly, it’s probably for the best that someone is keeping things interesting.
Your D&D superpower: Unpredictability
Your greatest weakness: Also unpredictability
Most likely to say: “Okay, hear me out…”
Mostly D – The Party Support
You are the glue holding this entire ridiculous operation together.
You know what’s going on.
You remember NPC names.
You probably have healing potions.
You are also increasingly concerned that nobody else has any idea what the party’s actual objective is.
You may not always be the loudest player at the table, but when things go wrong, everyone suddenly looks at you.
And let’s be honest, without you this party would probably have died several sessions ago.
Your D&D superpower: Teamwork
Your greatest weakness: Somehow becoming responsible for everyone
Most likely to say: “Guys, maybe we should think about this first?”
Got a tie?
Of course you do.
Because apparently even the quiz couldn’t cope with your particular brand of D&D nonsense.
A + B – The Tactical Hero
You have a plan.
You have considered the consequences.
You are now going to charge directly into battle anyway.
A + C – The Chaotic Hero
Nobody knows what you’re doing.
You don’t know what you’re doing.
It somehow works.
A + D – The Party Mum/Dad
You will save everyone.
You will complain about having to save everyone.
You will then save everyone again.
B + C – The Mastermind Menace
You have a plan.
Unfortunately, it is a terrible plan.
B + D – The Responsible One
You are the person everyone should probably listen to.
They won’t.
You know they won’t.
You have accepted this.
C + D – The Lovable Disaster
You caused the problem.
You are also somehow the only person capable of fixing it.
So, what did you get?
Are you a heroic adventurer, a tactical genius, a chaotic little goblin or the exhausted person keeping the whole party alive?
Let me know what you got in the comments.
And, more importantly, which member of your D&D group is definitely a Chaos Goblin?
We all know there’s one.
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